Waking from Dreams

I’ve been dating Bee for 5 years now, and about 2 years into our relationship when I was still in college, my mom found out about our relationship. She was furious and ended up telling my dad too. I was almost thrown out of my house and disowned, but one way or another, it didn’t come to pass.

A couple years followed where I pretty much cut off communication from my parents and secretly continued seeing my partner. My brothers found out eventually, and though it was rocky, they both came around to my identity and we slowly rebuilt our relationships.

Since I met Bee online, I’ve only visited her twice: once last year for Christmas (which was a secret from my entire family), and this previous Thanksgiving trip (which my brothers helped with).
I’d been lying to my parents since they found out, claiming that I broke ties with “that girl,” but after this last trip to Bee’s, I felt the lies couldn’t continue anymore. Especially with my brothers getting dragged down with my constant dishonesty, it weighed on me too much…and I decided to confront my mom about it again.

I already had a feeling she was playing dumb— mothers like her can always tell when their kids are lying— and sure enough she told me she knew.
She said “I honestly didn’t want to talk about it ever again. If I was to be very frank with you, I think it’s shameful. But maybe I’m just old-fashioned, and if you won’t change… then I’ll have to change. I may never come around to accepting this relationship, but unlike your father, I would never not want you as my daughter.
Just don’t do anything stupid.”

She promised that next year, after she returns from Taiwan (and if my dad is still out of town for work) she’d like to meet her.

For anyone curious about the lyrics, it’s an old Mandarin song that my mom would sing a lot when I was a kid. I was helping her shop for holiday gifts yesterday and it came on in the car. Hearing her sing it again, I knew I couldn’t run away anymore.

The singer is addressing someone who just went through a bad break up, but in a different context, I’ve always associated it with my relationship and how rejected I felt from everyone else— especially family.
Hearing her sing…well I don’t know if she meant to, but I felt like it was her way of saying “it will be okay”

"Waking from Dreams" by Sarah Chen

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